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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Spreading my wings?

I rather like being a bird! There are some definite, positive aspects. Right now I’m cat-sitting which could be dangerous for bird but so far I’m holding my own!! Anyway, it’s a few days to be on my own and I needed this. In the mornings I still go into the church office but I’ve found my afternoons to be productive and my evenings relaxing. I think part of the productivity is the fact that in this apartment I can be wirelessly connected and so therefore I can use my laptop. I’ve missed being able to do everything on my computer. Instead I’ve used others’ computers and transferred files when need be. It's a blessing that I can use other computers but sometimes it's the little things in life that can make it more comfortable. I think for a bird “little things” are more appreciated and I need to remember this for the future!
I’ve nothing incredibly profound to share or earthshaking news but it’s a good week so far. Last week was great because Denise and Sabina visited from Poland. They had winter break which is semester break and took some vacation here! It was a good mixture of time – with people, sightseeing, shopping, good food and sharing. I’m so glad they could come. I’m thankful and God is good.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Just a Bird for the Moment

As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written. Sometimes I think I don’t write because whatever I wrote wouldn’t necessarily be true in an hour’s time. That perhaps is a bit extreme but sometimes it feels that way. But if I were even more honest it can really be an effort to write. Even conversations, these days, can be difficult because I find it so hard to put my thoughts into a coherent stream. So to actually get something down in black and white is quite a challenge for me.
Why is this so? Good question. Actually life and where I’m headed is a question. It took me 2 months of this sabbatical to relax enough to be able to relax! I am still in the “no decision phase” of my time. Most of the time I’m OK with that. But there are times that my thoughts go down the wrong path and it takes a lot of effort to get them back to “neutral.” The wrong path for my thoughts just brings up more worries and questions which really aren’t all that helpful.
Over the holiday time God comforted me in reminding me how I was called to Eastern Europe in the first place. I wasn’t looking for it nor did I have any expectations in that direction. Yet God moved and I knew it was Him. So He is able to make the way clear again, if I am to return, take a sidestep or windy path. I need to hold onto that reminder and comfort because some days are tough. At the moment I’m just getting over being sick so I’m more vulnerable and emotional than I might otherwise be. Although I must say that my emotions are on the surface and for the most part a mystery to me. That’s another reason why it’s difficult to be coherent lately! So I’m thankful for a place and people that accept this.
My pastor told me today that I’m to be like one of the birds of the air (referring to Matthew 6) who doesn’t worry about tomorrow and just takes each day one at a time. This is my life for February.