Each day is new

Today was a good day. No, nothing in particular happened to make it 'good'. I had some plans for the day, just things to get done. But it didn't happen quite as I planned - big surprise! Some things were outside of my plans and other things will happen later.

What I've learned over the past year or so is that each day is new, different and not dependant on the emotions or events of yesterday. Some days during this past year have been very dark, emotionally. And at first, I would project the thoughts and emotions of those days - ad infinitum.

But whether the days are dark or bright, God has me (you) and each day in His hands. I might be overwhelmed with the shopping variety here, the gourmet items at Trader Joes's and the portions at restaurants but I don't need to be overwhelmed by my emotions. They are valid, part of me but tomorrow is another day.

Now in California

A 'woman on the edge' has nothing on a 'woman in transition'! I would say the emotions are just as unstable but at least this woman in transition isn't so aggressive as 'a woman on the edge'! I'm more overwhelmed by everything and tired a lot.

Resume writing is new all over again. I don't even remember the last time I wrote one, easily 15 years ago. It's all the more difficult to write since I don't know what I want to do!!

I knew this would be a new adventure for me. But I thought a benefit of this adventure would be that I could do this one in English. (In Poland, success in communication wasn't a given.) The other day I went into a store to get some change. But I was unsuccessful because the cashier only spoke Spanish. That's not one of my languages! And many job opportunities want someone bilingual and the other language desired isn't Polish. Go figure!

Brief Update

Five weeks since I last updated. A lot has happened in terms of relaxing and having fun. It will take me a couple of 'posts' to really get caught up with everything but here it is in a nutshell.

I bought a used car (Toyota) that I'm very happy with and early in August I drove down to Santa Cruz with Sabina, my best buddy from Poland. We took our time driving down along the coast, enjoying all the sights, sounds and taste treats! We investigated the Santa Cruz area a bit since this is where I'm going to relocate. We also drove down and saw Disneyland. Although neither one of us are in the 'kid' category this place is for the young at heart no matter the age. We had a great time!

It was a wonderful trip but I'm sorry to say that Sabina flew back to Poland yesterday. It was very difficult to say good-bye for both of us. The next visit is up in the air BUT it will happen.

Now I really enter into the serious job search phase of post missionary work. I would probably be more enthusiastic about it if I knew what I wanted to do. But I trust God will direct me. He is good and He has a plan!
More later about thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Thoughts of Home

Friday evening, I’m sitting out on my mother’s deck listening to and watching the wind in the trees. It’s a very peaceful and pleasant evening. As I sit here, I hear a bit of traffic noise, briefly a jet overhead, and I know there is a Starbucks only 2 blocks away. It all seems very familiar in my ‘new’(?) slice of the world. It may be familiar but I don’t seem to fit (on the inside) like I used to. This makes me think of something I wrote in the introduction to a book I’m writing. So I will give you a glimpse into the book entitled 'The Road Home'.

"The need for a home, or lasting reference point outside of myself, came to the forefront when I became a missionary. During those years on the mission field my number of physical homes increased. Seattle would always be home because that’s where I grew up and lived through early adulthood. I still have family and friends there. After a while my missionary host country felt like home in many ways. Having lived in one place for almost nine years, even though a missionary, I felt rather settled. Through God-appointed meetings, a church from another European country, Switzerland, began to represent home as we received teams from this country to support our mission work. I got to know people from the Swiss church and spent furlough time there, as well. Switzerland is such a beautiful country, who wouldn’t want to call this place home?"

I enjoyed and felt so comfortable in Europe generally that I wondered, even though born an American, was I European at heart? I just seemed to belong in those little sidewalk cafes surrounded by buildings, often three or more times the age of the United States, and riding highly developed city tram systems. America though familiar was changing in my absence. I became less comfortable in the States, yet I still could speak the language quite well! There’s a lot less stress in life when there are no barriers to communication. I readily called all three places – home. They each were home in some regard and yet none of them was home"

In 3 weeks I'm off to my next 'home' in Santa Cruz, California. It's always an adventure with the Lord. Continuing to covet your prayers.

Only a Week?!

I've been in the States a week now. But in some ways it seems so much longer. I don't know if that's jetlag distortion or what. It seems strange to not be in a rush. Usually when I'm here I've only got a limited time to get everything done I hope to, because I've got a flight back to Europe. My perspective is different and I'm trying to adjust.
Yesterday was a particularly sad day. I don't really know why but that's not necessarily unusual either. (Sometimes the reasons behind my emotions are a mystery.) It was good to be at church but difficult too. I was uniquely aware of 2 things during the sermon. 1. I could understand every word! 2. It might be a long time before I ever teach like that again. As I type I guess I understand my emotions better!
Well I hope to update weekly, at least. I desire to keep up you informed even through this transition process. Of course this process will probably be several months! I'd love your prayers.

Beginning Transition

As I write – I’m on the plane, having left Warsaw and am heading to Chicago. I’ve done this often enough in the past 9 years of living in Poland. So I can tell you that it hasn’t really sunk in that my part of the ministry work is over. I’ve said my ‘see you laters’ (as I plan on visiting) and I’ve shed many tears. But still …… After some visiting time in Seattle I head down to Santa Cruz, CA to start ‘real life’ in the States. But it’s been a long time since I’ve done ‘that’! It all seems rather surreal at the moment.
In some ways I’m excited because I like new adventures. But nothing is clear, even what I want to do. It’s like a fog. Or maybe that is just prophecy regarding the weather I’m likely to experience in CA!

A Bit about My Plans

Hi again, this time from Switzerland. I feel a bit like a ping pong ball, bouncing back and forth between Poland, the US and Switzerland these past 6 months. I can’t say that this time period in my life has been easy, comfortable or predictable. However, it has been fruitful and has brought clarity regarding parts of my past and to a certain degree clarity for my future. So who could complain about that? Quite the contrary, I’m so thankful to have this time of break / furlough. God has been very gracious during this time so my emotions and thoughts could have time to catch up with each other. There has been some healing and a greater discovery of my heart. I feel a bit more ‘aligned’ now although tears can still leap to the surface at surprising times. Even so, I’m confident I’m making some good choices for myself, despite the fact that those same decisions can be painful.

I’ve made plane reservations to go back to Poland for the final packing up. This is at the end of June. (More good-byes to say in Switzerland.) And then back to Seattle for a short while on July 11th. I have no idea what really awaits me in Santa Cruz, CA which is where God has led me to settle, at least for a while. Oh, sure I have a few ideas of possibilities but I don’t count on those actually becoming reality. God has plans too and I may not be thinking in the right direction yet because I have to be in Santa Cruz first before I’ll ‘get it.’ I do know that it is my intention to finish a book I’ve started to write. I started this book 3 or 4 years ago. But I hadn’t written anything for the 2 years prior to coming to Switzerland in October. I don’t know what the final outcome will be for this book but it’s important for me to finish it.

I’ve learned a lot during this time. I believe, even more than I realize. It is certainly more than I can put into words. But I don’t have to worry about that because God has put it in my heart so that the Holy Spirit can bring about growth. And we all know, “it is out of the heart that the mouth speaks.”

Oh wow! the changes that are coming!

It’s been difficult to write lately because I needed to let everyone know the decisions I’ve made that affect my future via personal contact, phone or newsletter before writing in my blog. So much of my time has been consumed by a mixture of deep emotions, organizing life’s details and packing. Why? Because God has shown me that I’m to return to the States. My role in Poland is finished.

The nature of the beast within resists change. Even though our past has been painful and in some ways unrewarding and perhaps even unproductive, it would be interesting to know how many of us would rather return to our past than face the uncertainty of our future. Being creatures of habit, we would rather have the security of our yesterday than the uncertainty of our tomorrow.
But it’s the uncertainty of our future that really strengthens our faith. I mean, if we knew what it was all about, then it would take no faith. All it would take is obedience. If you knew what was going to happen in the next ten years of your life, what kind of faith would it take to walk that path?
It’s the mystery of it all that gives it the power, the mystery of the whole process called God’s working that makes the power so magnificent.

This is a quote from a daily reading book by Charles Swindoll. I don’t mean to say that my time in Poland has been unrewarding, quite the contrary. Hopefully it wasn’t unproductive, although at times – yes, painful. But that’s life. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything. But God has something new for me. And it’s definitely a walk of faith. It’s very difficult to leave but I know this is the right decision. Now I need to wait on the Lord to see how He will bring about great things for me and those remaining in Poland. I trust Him for those wonderful things not just for me but them as well. Nevertheless, change is difficult for all.
Please pray for me as I listen to hear the various turns I need to make on my new path. Please pray for comfort, encouragement and hope for the entire group in Poland. More to come about my plans.