My Approach to the New Year

It's Saturday morning, the first Saturday of the new year. Of course I've already explained my feelings about this time of the week, brilliantly entitled - Saturday Mornings! I've finished my first cup of coffee, read some and reflected a bit. Although I've wanted to write these past few weeks, time and circumstances didn't allow me to sit down and actually accomplish this desire. So, we have some catching up to do!

I hope your holiday season was a good one. Unfortunately, I realize this is not always true for everyone. I'm sorry if that was the case for you. Family dynamics, financial instability, expectations and past echos can wreak havoc on our emotions, particularly during the holidays. Let alone tragedies can happen at any time of year. I'm becoming aware of how I can subtly project my circumstances, reactions and emotions on to others or even groups of people. A small example would be that since I live in Florida now, I can find it difficult to remember that much of the world is experiencing winter. I look out my window... it's sunny and should reach around 80 degrees today.

At any rate, my holidays were probably typical fare. That's not to say I didn't enjoy them! Getting together with family is not only important but fun. (The traveling I could have done without but that's beside the point.) There were a couple of bumps along the road - overwhelmed at times, not feeling well, and miscommunications, but these are part of life. What I loved was spending time with people I see so infrequently.

The new year stretches before us, filled with promise and hopeful expectations. Needless to say, I don't really know what's going to happen, nor am I in control of it! I've not made any grand resolutions. Any goals I have are pretty simple. Two things I would like to see happen (resolutions ?) are: 1) I become more of a reader again. Somehow I've let computers take too much of my time and I want to take some of it back for reading. 2) I'm giving myself a year to get fully settled in the new house. I hate to admit it but we left California (having lived there 3.5 years) without having unpacked a few boxes - ever! So, I'd like to unpack, buy what's needed, paint and decorate. This last goal doesn't seem ambitious to some, perhaps most, but it has been problematic for me in the past.

I don't want a huge agenda hanging over my head. Too many things take place without any plan, whether it be a surprise, spontaneity or just plain out of my control, so I want to be flexible. (For example, it's now Sunday afternoon and I'm finally finishing this post which started yesterday!) I am finding, the simple and very often small choices and activities can bring the greatest joy, impact and/or peace.

Of course, I'm not a type A person, more like a type A-. :-) Therefore many people will not be able to relate with me! That's OK - go for the gusto, A types! We need all kinds of people for this world to function. I'm looking forward to 2013. I hope you are too.

Relationship Minefields

We are onto part two of my online dating experience. Part one you can find at "Dear Jane".

Does any part of life actually progress as you thought it might? In my world it's very rare, if this has ever happened! So, the "normal" dating experience was elusive. All in all, a grand adventure! To read more and learn of the ups and downs please see "Catch of the Day" on Laura's Confessions.

Oh, You Met Online...

Did I ever mention that Brian and I met online? Yes, we are one of those couples.

When someone finds out how we met, typically what happens is an awkward pause in the conversation. However, compelling curiosity usually brings forth a question to get us talking again. Well, you can learn more about my online dating experience on another site! I've been asked to guest blog on Laura's Confessions. I hope you go and check it out! You can come back and tell me what you thought. :)

East vs. West

The battle of the coasts. Before I launch into a discussion about cultural differences, I hope everyone bears in mind that stereotypes are gross generalizations which have a basis in fact or they wouldn't have become a stereotype. However, no convention of this type is true across the board. There are always layers, derivations, and definite exceptions. The United States is big; we can't deny the "regions" within it. I have a friend who was born and raised on the east coast. In fact, she lives there to this day. When she heard I was moving to "her" side of the country (my term not hers!), she found the concept difficult to imagine. For her, it was easy and enjoyable to visit the west coast but she didn't think she could ever make the switch. And this comes from a woman who has lived in The Netherlands, Hungary, Greece and Albania to name a few places!

On the other hand, since it was Florida in particular, I reasoned the differences would be minimized. I never saw Florida as fully east coast, nor did I consider it part of the deep south. It was neutral in my mind and rather nondescript. Silly me!

The west coast has it's own stereotype, I know. California takes that image even further. Although I have to say that the typical image of California applies more generally to southern California - image obsession, plastic, tanned, and liberal. There is no doubt that I am a product of the west coast environs (Washington in specific), where the living is laid back, recycling is nearly an addiction, and coffee is king!! :-) Granted the coffee is needed to keep the chill off and give a little spark to another dreary day. (However, for me it'a a comfort drink wherever I am.) I would also say that although we are friendly, we are not a warm group of people. Northern climates don't lean in this direction - there are layers to us just like our sweaters and coats!

Now, on this (the east) side perceptions are a little different. I'm still learning about this area so my thinking could change in the future. At the moment, I see "the south" here in customer service - warm and personable, and going to church is a commonplace part of life. As far as "the east" goes, people are more pushy and passionate. Lastly, the driving is just schizophrenic. Either they are beyond aggressive or mighty pokey. Perhaps the "pokeyness" brings out frustration and therefore aggression.

Tomorrow it will be a month since my arrival. Let's face it - I'm a newbie!

Nature Walks?

Egret

Oh, the exercise of it all! Brian and I tried to walk a couple of miles 5 or 6 times a week when we lived in California. One of the nicest features of our home there were the trails to walk along a slough. Various types of birds were always a part of our walking routine. On special days we would see egrets, with even greater rarity we might see blue herons. Naturally :-( we never remembered our cameras, but I have many mental images in my files. Those walks were relaxing (perhaps too much so) and a great opportunity for conversation.

Here in Florida - it's the treadmill. It's far too hot to walk outside at this time of year. The treadmill does not allow for "relaxing" which is probably a good thing! Without a doubt I'm getting better exercise but I was going to miss the nature scenes. My second day at the gym I look up from the treadmill panel (checking my awesome stats!) and I find outside the window about 6 feet away - an egret! He decided to feed off the bugs in the bushes right in front of me. :-) On our nature walks in CA we were happy to see the egret when it was 300 feet away! To see the egret so closely was amazing! I guess I can never be sure just what I'm giving up - or not!

In any case, the exercise has been stepped up, so to say! At this point in life I'm not confident of decisive visual changes to my appearance. But I'm hoping to be stronger with better endurance - for many years. Who knows what I'll see along the way!

No Mystery at the Moment

Often it can be hard to determine just where the time goes. However, for me at this juncture in life, I know exactly where the time is going. People and packing. Those two things at the moment are not leaving a lot of time to write.

Nevertheless, I want to catch you up a bit on what's happening. The final papers for the sale of the house are signed. In two days our wonderful house will belong to another family! I'm sure they will enjoy it as much as we have!! We are able to stay an extra 2 weeks (part of the sale contract) to finish the packing and say our good-byes.

We are making steady progress on selling some of our belongings and packing up the rest. That steady progress is all thanks to Brian! He also knows I can get overwhelmed by all of this, therefore, what I need to deal with is brought in only in small sections. That way I just have this little bit to deal with right in front of me. The garage and the big picture are not something I have to delve into so I can make my steady progress bit by bit. I don't know what I'd do without him! Not planning on finding out!!

The people part has a much sadder tone to it. And yet, I don't look at it as a total cutting off of relationships! I can't deny it will be different but there is skype and actual visits, which I trust will go both ways!

I'm also excited for the new adventures ahead. What kind of house will we find? What communities will we get plugged into? Life in the tropics, who knows what that's like?! Ocean water I can swim in!! Lots and lots of sun, especially for Brian. :) So much more I'm sure with some ups and downs along the way. After all, bumps and twists and turns are part of life, and an adventure! Time will tell.

What's up with you?

Only Two Seasons in Merida

As described by one of our guides, "Those two seasons are - hot and hotter."

Brian, who loves the heat, actually finds himself a little over-toasted here at times. Please bear in mind, this is only the "hot season." I wish I could have found an equivalent clip art picture of a girl, but this was the best free one so Brian takes the limelight! :) I'm definitely melting right along with him. We try to avoid walking anywhere around noon because there is no shade on either side of the street when walking north or south. The shade is a must. We knew it would be warm but the experience of it took us to another level of realization. Why I brought anything with long sleeves is beyond me! "You know, it might be cooler at night." HA! Well, it is cooler but still no need for anything like that.

One of our afternoon excursions was to the anthropology museum. As I've mentioned before I'm not big on typical tourism, which includes museums. In this case, it was in a beautiful old home/mansion. (In Europe you might think it was a consulate building or something.) Part of the draw for me on a hot afternoon was the coolness of the building - in both the literal and figurative meanings of that word! It was our guide at this museum who so succinctly described the seasons here.

"Tony" was his name and he was 5" 2' and a hair...maybe. His English was outstanding and I'd guess his age to be somewhere between 70 and 120. His almost toothless smile was engaging and compelled me to smile right back! Tony made that place fascinating. He was so knowledgeable, fun and funny. I learned a lot and it was enjoyable doing so. That's how learning should be. :) It was well worth the little extra we paid for a guide.

First Impressions

In brief after a whopping 48 hours:
1. The people are warm, honest and very gracious - especially with my appalling lack of Spanish!
2. Coffee - Nescafe is all too common! :( Instant coffee - can one really call it coffee?! I had mistakenly figured that the cafe con leche (coffee with milk) would be similar to what I had in Spain. Sadly mistaken. Although I have already found a wonderful coffee place, run by an expat as it turns out!
3. It's quite warm, hot even, and in the heat of the day I'm perfectly content reading, blogging or something sedentary in the shade!!
4. Loving the adventure!

In Times of Jetlag

As I begin writing this, it's about a quarter to eight in the morning. I've already been awake for over 3.5 hours. I saw the time on that clock come and go. Trust me, these are not my typical hours!! The house is cold because the heater isn't programmed to come on yet. I've watched the sky grow bright and the neighborhood slowly come to life. Usually I watch the surrounding area shut down for the night rather than separately share with them a cup of very early morning coffee.

Often Brian is up at these wee hours of the morning but that is because he has yet to be able to go to sleep. Besides being negatively affected by cold weather, this inability to sleep is another aspect of the Gulf War Syndrome for him. I can't imagine. :( Although, thankfully, he has been able to sleep fairly well these past couple of nights.

As I deal with jetlag, these past few mornings have been very quiet and reflective. There certainly is no rush to move into the day since it really hasn't started (except on the east coast or in Europe)! Thoughts, prayers and activities take on a different tone or quality in the early hours for me. I feel settled, peaceful and also the longings for continued adventure, inspiration and growth come more easily to the forefront. Perhaps those feelings could be viewed as the antithesis of being settled and at peace. They don't feel opposite to me. I think it is because I feel settled, safe that I can allow those feelings to surface. I love the mixture; it's exhilarating! The questions or longings don't need closure for me, meaning - what is the adventure? What will happen in the future? I love it all because it's a hunger that keeps me looking, investigating and hopeful. How can I be disappointed in life since I'm actively participating in it?! I do expect tunnels, bumps and sharp curves along the road but...!

Stepping Outside of the Box

OK, if you like coffee, you might want to go get a cup because this could be a long one!
A few communiqués from a friend have got me thinking. She had been catching up on my blog and so touched on a few subjects. She and I have talked about in the past how we often feel different, like we don't always "fit." Those feelings have certainly been around the last couple of weeks, in particular. They come and go in intensity, but they have been a part of my life for a long time. Perhaps there is a new book for me to read which she mentions:  

“Women Who Run With the Wolves”, by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. 

My friend also writes - "In the book she's talking about our (women's) need to find our "wild" self. Wild meaning natural, as God created us to be with all the innate intuition and other spiritual gifts He intended us to have, but that our culture, etc. (especially in America, Western society) has put down. ... Beyond being Christian and "not of this world", much of what she writes gives me a better understanding of why I've always felt like I don't really "fit" often even with committed Christians whom I admire. I think I've always been a "wild" woman."

I like that about her, my friend, and I can relate! There is nothing wrong with the status quo. I enjoy many things in life from the creative side to the mundane (as I know I have talked about - see my labels "creativity"). But there are these "niggles" and a sense of adventure that keep rising to the surface. These thoughts that make me think, "I must be crazy!" and that buck the status quo. So much of the structure we live in seems artificial and forced. Am I an anarchist? NO. Boundaries are good and important in many areas and ways. However, I do think there is greater freedom than our structures allow.

Choosing to step out of some of those structures, does require some extra effort for community living which I do feel is quite important. But I want community which has no agenda, isn't forced or timed, and is truly enjoyed by everyone. Unfortunately, I feel that is very difficult to find within many structures we have set up in our culture. There is nothing wrong with the structures necessarily and if people find them satisfying - great!! For me, I'm left wanting. I'm not sure what the answer is, and I certainly would rather be part of a solution than just point out problems. Though it seems, there are only a few of us who don't really "fit." Perhaps that's the adventurous and/or creative side of me and I'm OK with that!

The image shown here is the completed puzzle of the "nine dots." The challenge is to connect the dots, yes, all of them, with only four straight lines. The catch is you can't lift your pencil from the puzzle. It's impossible to do without going beyond the confines of the "box."

My friend was also hopeful that she was not one of the "snooty" missionaries that I talked about in my post entitled OK, Let's Talk about It... I was surprised to see the word snooty and thought - did I really write that?! Sure enough!! Perhaps that was a bit brash and snooty of me! Sorry. As I think about it, it is possible to chalk up some of those past impressions to youthful over exuberance?! She gives her thoughts: "I, too, have had my struggles over folks' expectations but I'm still glad for the opportunities God provided for me to show His love and encourage a few people along the way. For the most part, the missionaries with whom I've worked have lived very graciously in the culture to which the Lord sent them. However, when I was in Greece working in Albania I had a couple of single, female missionaries impress me negatively... so much so that I told my mission director that I didn't want to continue on the mission field if that was how I would end up." Expectations are tough especially if we don't even know that we have them. I hope I continue to grow in grace.


Image by Dave Kawalec

OK, Let's Talk about It...

Let's face it, we all have impressions or stereotypes of certain vocations. Sometimes I don't even realize I have them until I'm face with an apparent contradiction.

Now...the missionary stereotype, I have been a missionary and I've heard the spontaneous gasp followed by the hand covering mouth because I said something "unmissionary" like. (Unfortunately, I can't remember the specifics anymore.) Or, there was the surprised, raised eyebrow look when I accepted a glass of wine. Of course, if they thought I shouldn't have any wine then why offer it!? Even though I'm no longer in that field, if someone learns of my background it seems (at times) that there are still certain expectations. Nothing is said but... Honestly, I hope that I do not conform to the stereotype in any way, shape or form. In the past, when a missionary I secretly enjoyed it if I shot holes in someone's picture of a REAL missionary.

So what do I think is the picture of missionary? Well, a little crazy, if the truth be told! (Missionaries are all about telling the truth, you know!!)  Or, at least weird like a geek but in a "spiritual" way, holier than thou, maybe even snooty in that regard. Lastly, they're not very real - no one you could easily relate to. Perhaps that's a little on the mean side, but at least someone who is a bit odd. After all, who does that kind of thing? And you can't talk to them about real life stuff!

If my impressions are wrong, I'm very open to hearing about it!

I think I'm quite real. My language isn't perfect, in fact, some words seem very appropriate at times! I'm not that into churches - not that I think they are bad either, but they aren't always the best answer. I want a sense of community or family in my life, people who will support and challenge me regarding my thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, many churches don't really have that kind of everyday community life. Thankfully, I don't have an "aura" of spirituality about me, but hopefully people think I'm nice! It's the little things in life. I love what Alejandro said in the Mask of Zorro, "I'm in search of the miraculous in everyday life." So I get out and live life!  I love it, but wish my knees were more inclined to the adventure of it!!

Internal Processor

That's what computers have - internal processors. I'm not a computer; nevertheless I process feelings, ideas and thoughts internally. How many bloggers are internal processors? I'm wondering if we are the majority or most likely the minority. Or it's just a mixed bag because it is more dependent on if we like to write. It doesn't really matter, although I'm curious.
I've decided to continue writing at least for awhile. I'm curious to see what will happen with me, and perhaps interactions and connections will expand along the way. Life is full of surprises and now is not the time to put pressure or expectations on myself about what this blog must be or should be. Hopefully you'll bear with me! :)