A Day of Rest

Having been a Christian most of my life or for that matter having grown up in America it seems the concept of a day of rest has always been a part of my existence - the concept not necessarily the reality!
At different points in my life I have tried to implement the concept and take one day a week for 'rest.' Maybe I did a good job maybe I didn't, I don't remember. But I think what's changed now is my idea of work, what it means to rest and why it's a good idea. Subconsciously I think I've found it difficult to completely take time off. "Oh, I can put in a load of laundry. That doesn't take much effort - the machine does most of the work!" Or, because I had slowed down enough in one day I looked around at the cleaning that was needed and thought, "Well, now I have time to do some of that!" Those examples are just a glimpse into my thought processes. With this thinking I could still be productive somehow. It's amazing to me how much "being productive" can drive me, even in little ways. It's sad how that productivity gives me value, in my mind anyway.
I mentioned on Labor Day weekend I did not do one job or task at all on Sunday. The day was a matter of rest and people. Realizing how I had to fight the urge to do "a little something" I decided to really take a day and not do any projects big or small, no errands, or "accomplishments". I'm trying to continue this (without legalism creeping in!). It's only been a short while but I want this to last. For me, it doesn't matter what day I take off, although it usually is either Saturday or Sunday depending on plans. Rest is important and I'm valuable whether I produce or accomplish something or not.
I'm not writing to guilt anyone. I am just personally trying to fight my performance based love concept. God doesn't love me that way, based on what I do. So why should I love myself that way!?

Breathe

Life seems to be full at the moment. More accurately I should say that my heart is full. Nothing so earthshaking or out of the ordinary has happened, except I did go ziplining in the redwoods the other day - what a blast!! Otherwise days have been a mixture of yes, the mundane (!), also people, interior painting (while Brian is painting the railing and staining the deck outside) and relaxing moments that make me breathe a sign of contentment. For example:
The weather has turned glorious here (we are finally having our summer) so on Thursday Brian suggests taking our regular walk on the beach in the evening to see the sunset. To round off a wonderful and spontaneous date night we went a little earlier and got a slice of pizza and a glass of wine at a little hole in the wall place before walking down to the beach for the sunset. After ziplining the next day we came back to the house and enjoyed our "new" deck, watching the moon rise - a full moon even - while talking and eating some munchies. These are sweet moments in life and they make my heart full. Life precludes these moments from happening on a regular and predictable schedule but then that makes me aware of them all the more and appreciate them to no end!

Probably the Funniest Cat Video You'll Ever See

I'm putting this link on my blog, too; just in case someone missed this on my facebook page! It's hilarious!! Enjoy :)



I've have a couple ideas for other posts so stay tuned. ;)

Niggles!?

I very rarely post at the end of a day but there were some impressions I'd like to get down on 'paper'. I was reading (yes, I'm reading books again!) before turning out the light. Although really I was half reading and half reflecting on the day. It had been a quiet, people oriented day with absolutely no productive effort of any kind! So I guess I did have at least one unproductive day this Labor Day weekend. I had thought about 3 different projects or tasks to do but decided against all of them in the end.
It was a wonderful day and while reading / reflecting one of those elusive feelings played at the recesses of my consciousness or maybe I should say it was a niggling in my spirit. It's like a hunger for something, a curiosity, a realization that something is missing but not in a way that causes regret or disappointment rather hopeful anticipation. That feeling is never overpowering and could be passed over without really realizing it's there. For me it is one of the ways that I would describe how God draws me. There was nothing specific about what might be coming, if something was coming or what I should do! Probably because I would only take it over and try to control everything! I must say it's a sweet feeling, leaves me wanting more and yet satisfied in a way. Plus, I do want to live in a way that allows the Lord to direct me on a daily basis so I appreciate the niggling!

Labor Day Weekend

I guess we are taking Labor Day Weekend more literally then it is intended. It's supposed to be a break from our work life. Being 'retired' we 'work' on our own schedule! This weekend we are setting our efforts on painting. There have been projects around the house just waiting for our attention. Brian shouldn't be around paint fumes so he's painting the deck railing, trellis and will stain the deck. Lots of fresh air for him. I'm on the inside trying to finish off (hopefully) the parts that have not been touch yet since we moved in. It's quite a process but we are making progress!
As I was painting today, taking the project in sections, it made me think about how the Lord deals with me and my interior house. Thankfully He hasn't stripped it down to bare bones to make it look fresh and presentable. That would be pretty tough and difficult to survive since so much would have to be ripped out. He is merciful and does me in sections! First the prep work so nothing around the area to be worked on doesn't get damaged. Then layer by layer or coat by coat the old fades away and He has rebuilt, brought new color, and has made that dilapidated section of me beyond presentable!

Processing!

As mentioned before, I'm not an external processor. So why do I blog? Good question! I do enjoy writing and it can help me to put thoughts and feelings into words because I force myself to get it down in black and white. Although as I look at August's postings, I don't see many!!
Life this month has been relatively status quo, but honestly (as revealed by my lack of postings) I think I've been in major inward processing mode due to this financial setback. Naturally, with any change it produces more change. There have been further decisions to make and adjustments to the path I thought I would be taking! I'm pleased with the decisions thus far. I have to say that it has all been rather consuming on one level or another, certainly on my deep internal processing level. I wouldn't say it's been overwhelming but rather an undercurrent that has kept me focused on navigation, even if it's been subconsciously.
Those are the times that it just doesn't work to write. The intensity and/or work of processing just doesn't allow it. Then I do feel overwhelmed or vacant when it comes to writing. Therefore, the lack of posts.
As a side note, sooo glad I married an external processor! I never have to wonder what he's thinking. Plus, there's the added bonus of him drawing me out or at least he provides the open ground and security which enables me to talk whenever I want!!
Here's hoping I get more in a writing groove again! :)

New Week

What does this new week hold? Perhaps this will be a breakthrough week, status quo or conflict. Does anyone really embrace conflict? Typically, I'm rather direct; I'm a - tell you what I think - kind of person. Hopefully, that doesn't mean I'm rude or insensitive. But out-and-out conflict I would really rather avoid, run from even. I wonder if this in part belies a lack of trust in God to some degree. I want healthy boundaries but I can question the lines I draw due to fear of reprisal. Then the reasons for my fear seem to come down to either not trusting God in the situation - isn't it easier to just lie down and smooth things over, or questioning my boundaries - am I being too harsh? Bottom line: I don't like my stomach to churn and I want to act righteously. If you think of it, you can pray for me. This does revolve around the financial and relational setback I mentioned earlier.
I'm getting even more out of the "Church" book the second time. I think it's helping me stay on track regarding the situation I just talked about. At any rate, it gives me things to think about and check myself against.

Choices

It doesn't seem like so much time goes by between these posts! Life is just going on, sometimes in a sweet, laid-back manner and other times by means of pressing through, choosing to leave behind that which does not edify.
I'm still in process of forgiveness and probably will be until the actual situation is completely over. I do look forward to leaving it all behind. I struggle now, too, with letting go of my ideas about how the Lord will continue to take care of us. Of course He will but naturally I have my thoughts about how that could be done! :) I think my ideas are great!! But in my heart of hearts I know that His way really is best. Sure, I'd love to know the specifics! Who wouldn't? I'd like to see the situation redeemed as I think is best. But again, my best so pales in comparison to His best. I really do want to trust Him, and it's not like I feel deprived! He is good.
An acquaintance of mine finishes off her emails, below her signature, with "count your blessings". That phrase can be overused or said in a placating manner so as to affect no response or worse yet - guilt, though honestly it can be truly powerful. As a spontaneous form of worship, I find myself at times thanking God for so many wonderful things. There are times, as well, when I choose to count them to reverse the path of my thoughts. Above all, I thank God for His faithfulness and lovingkindness.