Good Friday

Today is Good Friday. There is little to be said as this day begs reflection. Reflection not only of the suffering Christ endured but on what he gave up to suffer and sacrifice himself - for me, for you.

Lately I’ve been reminded again and again of my own striving and trying to add somehow to God’s good work. But His is a completed work that I only need to receive. When we receive Jesus as Savior, all receive by grace and some, like me, have moved from our point of salvation to help God out in different ways along the journey. God doesn’t need my advice or my seemingly wonderful plans. He knows best and knows me best.

“Be still and know that I am God.” He lives and is my Redeemer. Alleluia - Sunday is coming!

Spring is Coming!

The world seems brighter, lighter because the promise of spring is in my heart. As I mentioned in the last post, it’s been a difficult season but finally I feel movement out of it. I wanted to share this quote from CS Lewis’ essay The Grand Miracle because it fits so well with my situation at the moment:

"To be sure, it feels wintry enough still: but often in the very early spring it feels like that….. the spring comes down slowly down this way; but the great thing is that the corner has been turned. There is, of course, this difference, that in the natural spring the crocus cannot choose whether it will respond or not. We can. We have the power either of withstanding the spring, and sinking back into the cosmic winter, or of going on into these “high mid-summer pomps” in which our leader, the Son of Man, already dwells, and to which he is calling us. It remains with us to follow or not, to die in this winter, or to go on into that spring and that summer."

We all make choices along our way. For me now, I'm so glad to feel spring coming and so I choose spring!

Out of the Heart ...

Why do I find it so difficult to pour out my heart, especially in writing? But then again maybe I’m even worse at it verbally. I think I like ‘neat packages’ because I can grab a hold of them somehow. And ‘pouring out’ for me usually does not come in a neat package. Far too many tears have flowed for my liking these days. I know I have a problem with control. Even so, life has been definitely out of my control lately. But the control issue is all just an illusion on my part anyway. Who is really in control? God.
The past 4 months have been quite a transition time for me. And I’m not saying that it is now over! I still don’t know where I’m heading. Hope is a great thing and a lightening of the load – wonderful. The encouraging thing is that I feel a bit of movement, no direction but movement. Waiting, limbo or whatever you want to call it is not easy for me. (Is it easy for anyone else?) Although I must say I’ve learned a lot, mostly about myself. Some of it is still difficult to put into words. But maybe that’s for another posting.
Is there anyone out there that wants to tell me about stability? 

Spreading my wings?

I rather like being a bird! There are some definite, positive aspects. Right now I’m cat-sitting which could be dangerous for bird but so far I’m holding my own!! Anyway, it’s a few days to be on my own and I needed this. In the mornings I still go into the church office but I’ve found my afternoons to be productive and my evenings relaxing. I think part of the productivity is the fact that in this apartment I can be wirelessly connected and so therefore I can use my laptop. I’ve missed being able to do everything on my computer. Instead I’ve used others’ computers and transferred files when need be. It's a blessing that I can use other computers but sometimes it's the little things in life that can make it more comfortable. I think for a bird “little things” are more appreciated and I need to remember this for the future!
I’ve nothing incredibly profound to share or earthshaking news but it’s a good week so far. Last week was great because Denise and Sabina visited from Poland. They had winter break which is semester break and took some vacation here! It was a good mixture of time – with people, sightseeing, shopping, good food and sharing. I’m so glad they could come. I’m thankful and God is good.

Just a Bird for the Moment

As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written. Sometimes I think I don’t write because whatever I wrote wouldn’t necessarily be true in an hour’s time. That perhaps is a bit extreme but sometimes it feels that way. But if I were even more honest it can really be an effort to write. Even conversations, these days, can be difficult because I find it so hard to put my thoughts into a coherent stream. So to actually get something down in black and white is quite a challenge for me.
Why is this so? Good question. Actually life and where I’m headed is a question. It took me 2 months of this sabbatical to relax enough to be able to relax! I am still in the “no decision phase” of my time. Most of the time I’m OK with that. But there are times that my thoughts go down the wrong path and it takes a lot of effort to get them back to “neutral.” The wrong path for my thoughts just brings up more worries and questions which really aren’t all that helpful.
Over the holiday time God comforted me in reminding me how I was called to Eastern Europe in the first place. I wasn’t looking for it nor did I have any expectations in that direction. Yet God moved and I knew it was Him. So He is able to make the way clear again, if I am to return, take a sidestep or windy path. I need to hold onto that reminder and comfort because some days are tough. At the moment I’m just getting over being sick so I’m more vulnerable and emotional than I might otherwise be. Although I must say that my emotions are on the surface and for the most part a mystery to me. That’s another reason why it’s difficult to be coherent lately! So I’m thankful for a place and people that accept this.
My pastor told me today that I’m to be like one of the birds of the air (referring to Matthew 6) who doesn’t worry about tomorrow and just takes each day one at a time. This is my life for February.

California!

Now I'm spending the next 11 days in Santa Cruz, CA, as of the 13th. California is kind of a foreign country to me but I can at least speak the language fairly well! Today I went to the beach alone and just walked. I love the beach - the sound of the waves pounding, the coast stretching out before me and fresh salty air. Plus, it's January and I only wore a light jacket. The sun, sand and water are very enticing. I don't know if I'd get tired of it and take it for granted if I lived here but for now it's a real treat.
I'm here through connections in Switzerland. It's funny making connections with other Americans because of who I know in Switzerland! I'm visiting the Coastlands Foursquare church and I feel very welcomed here. I greatly appreciate the warm, relaxed and open atmosphere.
After 2 months of sabbatical/furlough I finally have been able to relax enough to let go and not worry about the future and possible decisions. I can enjoy where I'm at and hopefully receive all that God has for me. It will be interesting to see what God has for me this week. I must say, however, there were days in those first 2 months of my furlough that were very tough. It's easy to say that my identity is in Christ but when all of a sudden you aren't doing what you normally do - we very often have a crisis time. At least I did. Who am I? What am I good at? What do I want to do? What's coming up? Time will tell and it's God's good timing.

Getting back in Touch

I went to college with some of the best people around! Last Friday Lani, my fellow architecture graduate and roommate way back when, gathered those of us available for an impromptu reunion. I was glad to be the reason for some of us to get together. I wasn’t able to attend the 20 year reunion of our Architecture graduating class a year and a half ago because I was in Poland. So it was wonderful to see old friends. Some I hadn’t seen for 15 to 20 years!
And the evening was great! I loved hearing the laughs I’d come to recognize in the Arch. Lab, the bad jokes and the quick banter. Some of the conversations had “older” themes than I remember having before with these people! But I was very encouraged by the time and truly in hysterics at one point.
As I mentioned I was a good excuse to get together. But I think this time together was also to celebrate Joy's return after having been caught in the Tsunami in Puket, Thailand. She thinks she survived just because of dumb luck. But I definitely have a different take on that! Her story is quite amazing.
I'm rejoicing in great friends, laughter, good food and time able to spend together.

America

America is a strange and wonderful place.

Yes, I’m back in the States and have been for a week. Thankfully jetlag was minimal. Although there is no denying the 24 hour transit (door to door) can be brutal – in psychological adjustments. This extended travel in what I call “the big silver Twinkie in the sky” is a cultural limbo. I’m in Europe, then the Twinkie and finally America. Trust me – it’s different! Both have their pluses and minuses. Some things are strange to me now after having been away for so long; other things and people are a joy to return to. I especially like the relative ease of a chat with a stranger, whether it be with the other person in line or the customer service person. I love the easy smiles and friendliness.

I also was a little surprised yet not shocked, when my mother’s wallet was turned into the info desk – complete. We were at Barnes and Noble’s (a bookstore chain) and she must have thought she was putting it in her purse but it slipped to the floor without notice. Go people and honest ways! Many blessings on the person who returned it! By the way, I'm NOT saying people aren't honest in other places. This last part is just a good story to share.