Processing!

As mentioned before, I'm not an external processor. So why do I blog? Good question! I do enjoy writing and it can help me to put thoughts and feelings into words because I force myself to get it down in black and white. Although as I look at August's postings, I don't see many!!
Life this month has been relatively status quo, but honestly (as revealed by my lack of postings) I think I've been in major inward processing mode due to this financial setback. Naturally, with any change it produces more change. There have been further decisions to make and adjustments to the path I thought I would be taking! I'm pleased with the decisions thus far. I have to say that it has all been rather consuming on one level or another, certainly on my deep internal processing level. I wouldn't say it's been overwhelming but rather an undercurrent that has kept me focused on navigation, even if it's been subconsciously.
Those are the times that it just doesn't work to write. The intensity and/or work of processing just doesn't allow it. Then I do feel overwhelmed or vacant when it comes to writing. Therefore, the lack of posts.
As a side note, sooo glad I married an external processor! I never have to wonder what he's thinking. Plus, there's the added bonus of him drawing me out or at least he provides the open ground and security which enables me to talk whenever I want!!
Here's hoping I get more in a writing groove again! :)

New Week

What does this new week hold? Perhaps this will be a breakthrough week, status quo or conflict. Does anyone really embrace conflict? Typically, I'm rather direct; I'm a - tell you what I think - kind of person. Hopefully, that doesn't mean I'm rude or insensitive. But out-and-out conflict I would really rather avoid, run from even. I wonder if this in part belies a lack of trust in God to some degree. I want healthy boundaries but I can question the lines I draw due to fear of reprisal. Then the reasons for my fear seem to come down to either not trusting God in the situation - isn't it easier to just lie down and smooth things over, or questioning my boundaries - am I being too harsh? Bottom line: I don't like my stomach to churn and I want to act righteously. If you think of it, you can pray for me. This does revolve around the financial and relational setback I mentioned earlier.
I'm getting even more out of the "Church" book the second time. I think it's helping me stay on track regarding the situation I just talked about. At any rate, it gives me things to think about and check myself against.

Choices

It doesn't seem like so much time goes by between these posts! Life is just going on, sometimes in a sweet, laid-back manner and other times by means of pressing through, choosing to leave behind that which does not edify.
I'm still in process of forgiveness and probably will be until the actual situation is completely over. I do look forward to leaving it all behind. I struggle now, too, with letting go of my ideas about how the Lord will continue to take care of us. Of course He will but naturally I have my thoughts about how that could be done! :) I think my ideas are great!! But in my heart of hearts I know that His way really is best. Sure, I'd love to know the specifics! Who wouldn't? I'd like to see the situation redeemed as I think is best. But again, my best so pales in comparison to His best. I really do want to trust Him, and it's not like I feel deprived! He is good.
An acquaintance of mine finishes off her emails, below her signature, with "count your blessings". That phrase can be overused or said in a placating manner so as to affect no response or worse yet - guilt, though honestly it can be truly powerful. As a spontaneous form of worship, I find myself at times thanking God for so many wonderful things. There are times, as well, when I choose to count them to reverse the path of my thoughts. Above all, I thank God for His faithfulness and lovingkindness.

Overdue!

So what's been happening? After a year plus of living in our home, I have the drive, enthusiasm AND energy to make this place really look like a home and feel settled in. I think having our bedroom painted was a great kick start! I'm also re-reading "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore." It's worth another read to let the ideas, concepts and heart behind it sift through me again.
In the last couple of days, there has been a lot of processing going on for me. A rather large financial and relational setback occurred. The few people I've told about it have even called it an injustice. By in large I'm not an external processor. Although I do talk about upsetting things, I also need to pray, analyze some (however, some things are just too incredible - good or bad - to analyze) and just time to let it go. I can't do anything to change it because you can't make someone do something they don't want to! What does not help is re-living the events in my head, playing over the verbal exchanges just to get angry again! No one, including the Lord, said life would be fair. Honestly, I have so much to be thankful for, which has really helped to calm my heart and enable me to forgive. Still working on all of that; it's not completely over because it's a process! :) I'm also thankful that God doesn't want me to be embittered or carry this burden around with me. In Him there is new life ahead, and He is the one who takes care of me. Moving forward day by day, sometimes moment by moment.

Anonymous

Thanks, people, for writing any comments that you do!! I realize it's a pain perhaps to 'sign up' and be a follower and not everyone has a google account. So commenting under 'anonymous' or "name/url" (there you can just type in your name) is great, but I do have one request. Could you at least leave your initials so I can guess who is writing? Of course you don't have to it's just that I might want to follow up on something. Plus, to be honest, it's nice knowing who is checking the site out! :) Thanks!

Ahh, the Mundane!

I know, I know, I've talked about the mundane! Perhaps this time in a little different vein. Today was our first full day of being back home. It was filled with the mundane - laundry, grocery shopping, making dinner, vacuuming and getting our bedroom back in order. It was all wonderful! :) Truly, we had a great 10 days away, seeing family and friends, spectacular fireworks and some awesome summer weather. But being back home, settling in again, was soul relaxing. I love our home (not just the physical place but where we are 'us') so all these activities were comforting and establishing again our place. Loved it!
I hope that I can carry an extra measure of this appreciation through 'regular life.' I am very blessed!

Wrapping It Up

We are about to fly home so our trip is coming to a close. This latter half in Seattle has been gorgeous! I have to say that while in the metropolis of Cosmopolis (!), where we went first, looking out the window I would have thought we were in the middle of our California winter! It was warmer than our winter but rather gray and drippy! :( Ah well, the weather has steadily improved on the trip, even in Cosmopolis. Brian is loving it now at 87 degrees in Seattle.
Getting together with long time friends (please note I did not say 'old' because we aren't!) has been wonderful. It's great when you can just pick up where you last left off even if that was a few years ago. Those kind of relationships are special.
It's been a fine time away, but like the end of most trips the thought of home is a welcome one. My comfy bed and a freshly painted bedroom sound wonderful!

A Blast from the Past

Tonight Brian and I are having dinner with 3 gals I graduated from High School! Truly a blast from the past. One of the gals I probably haven't seen for around 20 years. The other two maybe it's been 8 to 10 years, not sure. Looking forward to the conversations and they all want to meet Brian!
Wow, Seattle is gorgeous - it's supposed to get into the 90's this week! That's hotter than where I live in California!! I love to visit Seattle but I'm very content where I'm living now. Seattle is a GREAT place to be from, :) and therefore visit from time to time. When the sun is out (which is often, people, just not in winter!) there are few places in the world that can rival it's beauty.