All my life I have highly valued observation and analysis and still do. They are useful tools in life for conflict resolution, problem solving and general understanding. Recently, I found myself lacking compassion for someone and their situation so I fell back on one of my old favorites – analysis. But I couldn’t find understanding or compassion this time. So I went to different levels of analysis. Since I live in a culture not my own I probed deeper to see if I had some “blind spot” due to cultural differences. Naturally I found differences but couldn’t reconcile those differences with my complete absence of compassion. I was thinking a lot and trying to understand the situation from their perspective but my feelings didn’t change and I only became more frustrated.
Throughout the years I have questioned whether I was much of a compassionate person. Generally I thought the answer was – no. Therefore, I just wanted to tell the person to make some decision and get on with life. Deal with it! Now I can see one of the factors that was affecting my reaction to this particular situation. The depth of my compassion was influenced by my own self interest. What expectations of mine have been disappointed? How have I been discouraged by this person and situation? My hurt through disappointment and discouragement impacted directly my willingness and ability to look from the other person’s perspective and to touch and receive from my Father’s heart of compassion.
I’ve been struggling with this for probably 6 months but more intensely the last month. I think, I think too much!! And I’m not in touch with my feelings. They can take me by surprise sometimes. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out my issues regarding this other person. Thinking is good but feelings are important too. I still don’t really know what to do in this situation or how to be supportive but I hope to fully let go of my hurt and disappointment. Then I pray God will be able to move more freely.
