As usual it’s been a while since I’ve written. Sometimes I think I don’t write because whatever I wrote wouldn’t necessarily be true in an hour’s time. That perhaps is a bit extreme but sometimes it feels that way. But if I were even more honest it can really be an effort to write. Even conversations, these days, can be difficult because I find it so hard to put my thoughts into a coherent stream. So to actually get something down in black and white is quite a challenge for me.
Why is this so? Good question. Actually life and where I’m headed is a question. It took me 2 months of this sabbatical to relax enough to be able to relax! I am still in the “no decision phase” of my time. Most of the time I’m OK with that. But there are times that my thoughts go down the wrong path and it takes a lot of effort to get them back to “neutral.” The wrong path for my thoughts just brings up more worries and questions which really aren’t all that helpful.
Over the holiday time God comforted me in reminding me how I was called to Eastern Europe in the first place. I wasn’t looking for it nor did I have any expectations in that direction. Yet God moved and I knew it was Him. So He is able to make the way clear again, if I am to return, take a sidestep or windy path. I need to hold onto that reminder and comfort because some days are tough. At the moment I’m just getting over being sick so I’m more vulnerable and emotional than I might otherwise be. Although I must say that my emotions are on the surface and for the most part a mystery to me. That’s another reason why it’s difficult to be coherent lately! So I’m thankful for a place and people that accept this.
My pastor told me today that I’m to be like one of the birds of the air (referring to Matthew 6) who doesn’t worry about tomorrow and just takes each day one at a time. This is my life for February.
