Why do new adventures seem to drag our thoughts and perspective to the past? Oh, the exhilaration at first keeps everything at bay - the exhilaration of a new plan, ideas and future. But implementing those ideas, formulating that plan has caused me to remember the past. It's not that I have any regrets which I'm very thankful for but the past is not failure free! "They" say you learn more from your failures than your successes. OK. That seems reasonable, true even. Yet at the moment my failures bring doubt, perhaps not paralysis but certainly not fluid movement or momentum.
I would love to be a part of a small, healthy, balanced fellowship - do I dare say 'church' of an unconventional form. Yet as a missionary church planting didn't go exactly as I had hoped. I guess it's time to evaluate. What was good and what wasn't. God's Word does not return void. God did work and continues to in Poland. Maybe evaluation isn't what I need but just greater reliance on Him. It is amazing and sad what we/I can do 'for the Lord' without the Holy Spirit. It's not all bad but is it as effective as He could do? For me right now, I think it's important to keep the pressure off myself. Pressure even from myself only makes me 'do the effort'. I just want to walk behind the Holy Spirt as He moves and works.
