Life with Brian - Part 2

We are out of our regular routine these past few days since we are in WA visiting family. We got to see our daughter's engagement ring IRL (in real life), at the moment Brian is out having some Father - Son time with our youngest, and earlier we celebrated Brian and my mother’s birthdays together. These are all wonderful events and certainly meant to be shared. Although I have to say I love our “regular” life as well.

Today I thought I’d continue a bit with “Life with Brian” (and living with someone with a chronic illness.) We are well into the winter season which does change our pace of life and possible expectations. Can I say our life is more volatile? I don’t think that’s an inappropriate word for the season, but only because of the storms - and I’m talking about the weather, folks!! No, we do not become more volatile with one another! :-) That would just be wasted energy - no room for that!

Weather patterns during the winter are just more unpredictable so Brian’s energy, pain and motivation levels fluctuate a lot more. Therefore, frustration with the situations, and blahs can dictate more than we’d like. (Of course, I can have my own blahs during the winter, too.) There are two aspects during Brian’s challenging season for me that are the most difficult. The first is that I can’t do anything to “fix” the situation. I would love it if I could suggest something or do something that would make him feel better. I don’t know exactly what he feels since I’m not inside his body, but even if I could know I still can’t change it. It’s always difficult to watch someone you love suffer. I can be there for him and listen IF he wants to talk but no expectations.

Secondly, there are times when I miss him. Oh, he can be sitting right next to me but he’s not himself. His pain, or fatigue, or blahs require his full focus just to get through the rough spot. Thankfully for all, those times don’t last too long - a day or two. I probably I miss him more during those tough times than when we are actually apart. I think that’s true because it is then that both difficult aspects come together for me.

All in all, I have no complaints because health issues are our only issue. We are both easy going and have a sense of humor. In my opinion, those are a couple of the key factors in a successful relationship. We appreciate the little things in life, look forward to the good times, try to live in the present, and be thankful - especially for each other!

Life with Brian!

I have one word that describes life with Brian - awesome! No really! Perhaps you have deduced from my blog that I'm neither a particular romantic or prone to rose colored glasses. I wouldn't even call myself an optimist, rather a realist. Brian is more romantic than I am! Is Brian perfect? - NO. No one is! Is life perfect with him? Yes and no.

I said that I would write more about loving someone with a chronic illness (Gulf War Illness), so here goes. First, let me add another word that is very important, in our marriage at least. That is the word "flexibility." It is difficult to describe the various feelings and symptoms that Brian experiences, even for Brian. Suffice to say that he suffers, some days more than others, though no one would know it to look at him. Does he know when the bad days are coming? Generally not. Although, he does better or worse in differing seasons of the year. Due to the cold and greater number of storm patterns, winter is not his best season. However, there can still be good days during the winter.

So what does that all mean for he and I, together? We both need to be flexible. Sometimes we plan to do something but he wakes up that day and it's not a good one. OK, that activity is not going to happen that day. That's just the way it is. If Brian pushes himself on a bad day to do whatever because it's planned, it usually backfires. He could go into a crash which is more intense and lasts longer. It's so not worth it! Or, if the day and it's activity can be adapted so the pace is slower and more relaxed that sometimes works. With that in mind, the third word I've needed to incorporate more into my life is "spontaneity." (I think Brian was always more spontaneous than I.) When it's a good day then the activity will happen. We can't always know when that is. However, over time, I've learned not to be so disappointed when something doesn't happen because it will; I just don't know when. Plus, Brian will often make suggestions of things to do at the spur of the moment. Why not?! Take the adventure and the good days when they arrive. Planning can be overrated!

There is more to write, which I will, but we'll start with this.
Update: Part 2 of Life with Brian click here.