What have you been reading?

How did I get out of the habit of reading? I know being sick for so long just made me feel blah and without any routine, but I think it happened even before that. Perhaps dating and planning a wedding also had some influence on that. Reading used to be such a large part of my life, as my bookcases testify. I remember the feeling of having just lost some dear friends after finishing a well written book. It's a good feeling to have enjoyed a book so much. I am in the middle of a couple of books but they're just not getting finished, one technical and one a murder mystery. I have just read 2 books with a spiritual dimension and application. I appreciated having something to incorporate into my morning routine with breakfast. Let alone the fact that they were valuable and made me think about different aspects of my life.
Brian also loves books so it isn't that I have nothing around to choose from. I just need to pick one! I think this is one more way that God is moving me into being a bit more purposeful again. I love the sudoku and all :) but it's value and enhancement properties are limited! Any suggestions for a great read?

Standards

Wow! I play a lot of sudoku. I enjoy the challenge and am somewhat addicted to beating my own time, or rather attempting to constantly lower my average. I wouldn't say I was a particularly competitive person, but I am compelled to out do myself. I guess this discourse goes back to what defines me.
It does not pain me to defer to others! :) Yet, I certainly have my opinions and for the most part am more than willing to share them! Unfortunately, I think I too often hold up a standard (my standard) to others, although they may not know it. My memory can favor me over time, to the detriment of others. I forget the havoc I used to wreak in my brokenness. I'm still broken and therefore am unaware of the damage I still can do. I would define myself as a laid back person, but is a gracious response toward others as prevalent as I'd like to think? Hmmmm...

Another Outing!

It's Saturday today and I've had the usual wonderful, relaxed Saturday morning. :) I'm also looking forward to an outing to Sacramento; we leave tomorrow. I must admit that Sacramento is not typically a desirable, sought after destination! We are going up for a "Night to Honor Israel." We hope to catch part of a street fair in the afternoon, go to the evening event of speakers and music, and we'll stay the night. It's always good to 'get out of Dodge' on occasion. No matter how great 'Dodge' is. Our outing should be relaxing, time just for us and an opportunity to see and experience some new things. I love that Brian finds all kinds of different activities to go and do. Not only does he find the things but he makes all the arrangements. I get to just enjoy the adventure! Love that guy named Bri!

Isolationist Tendencies

Yesterday I mentioned briefly that I had had some isolationist tendencies of late. Once that direction is entertained, it seems so easy to just remain blah and non-relational. On Sunday Brian and i went out to a movie and for a drink. Neither one of us were feeling THAT great and I was more than willing to let it go, but he pushed for it. I was so glad. It was good to get out and do something a little out of the ordinary. Despite that outing, I still had to push through on Monday. Instead of us doing our own things, we spent the better part of the day together talking. No, not because there were issues to be worked out, but just engaging, being known. I chose to interact rather than be in my head. I think it made a big difference.
God uses people. He is definitely relational. In my heart of hearts, I don't really want to be separated from the flock and picked off by the wolf. I want to stay close so I need to pay attention to where the gang is - the Shepherd and the sheep.
After thought: I should really say that I need to ask for attention - let people know where I am at.

Time to Write

I hear tell that I have an avid reader who has 'explained' that if one has avid readers they should not have to wait a week in between postings! I'm at 5 days so the pressure is on!! Plus, I already blew it with her yesterday so I don't want to rock the boat. (HI :-) )
It's been a rather disconcerting 5 days, actually. I felt sort of blah, unmotivated, with isolationist tendencies. No great spiritual revelations (which of course happen on a regular basis!); it's been cold and rather dreary (for California) and I've just been off. In British speak if something is off, it means it's gone bad like milk spoiling. Maybe that's been appropriate for the situation, but you should ask my husband.
I can't attribute it to anything particular, except maybe hormones. (Why were those such a good idea, God? They only seem to get us into trouble - in various forms.) At any rate, even though life can have it's ups, downs and flat-lining moments, I just have to keep breathing because God is carrying me through even if I can't perceive it, understand it or rejoice in it. I guess that movie quote was for me just a bit in advance. No, I haven't been in dire or straining circumstances nevertheless, I find myself closer to the top of my hole. I believe that if we truly don't want to be left where we are, then God will bring us out. It may not be in the way we'd like, or to the place that we think is right but He won't leave us to ourselves. For that I'm thankful and must consciously remember.

Profound?

I'm Pro being 'found.' Sorry, that was a groaner; I know. I couldn't resist since I'm not feeling very profound.
Ever have one of those days? The weather was good, slept well, great conversations, coffee intake normal and yet... It's not a bad day but something is missing, missing in me. Thank goodness, tomorrow is another day. I have a new beginning tomorrow, a new perspective and new emotional input. Here's to tomorrow!

Definitions

I've been reading a book that delves into our Jewish roots, giving a full and richer perspective for my faith in Jesus. I'm not necessarily looking to write about all of that today but a comment in the book struck me that I'd like to ponder a little more personally. It talked about the various feasts the Jews celebrate throughout the year which remind and define who they are as a people.
I agree that each people group does have a certain "definition." However, I wondered what defines me as a person. I hope that gratitude and faith are two qualifiers. With some certainty, I would add humor and an easy going nature. Of course I have my trigger points, as well. Injustice is one of them. I think this is true of a lot of Americans but it can get twisted, too! (Hence, the large number of lawsuits!) Have me drive a car and I'm not quite as laid back as I might seem in other circumstances!!! :-)
Bottom line I hope I'm a safe person for others. Any other thoughts from those of you - "out there"?

Great Movie Quote

Well, last night I added another new movie line to my memory banks. The quote isn't new because the movie isn't but it struck me last night as I was watching "The Two Towers" for the second time. The situation - Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, the dwarf, are literally running (for days) to catch up with the Orcs, who have taken Merry and Pippen as captives. Gimli, with shorter legs, is having to work the hardest to keep up and keep going. At one point he is repeating to himself, "Just keep breathing. Breathing is the key! Keep breathing."
There are times in life when that's the best advice. The situation isn't necessarily going to change any time soon. I/we are doing what we can so - just keep breathing. Back to the basics! For me, I have to remember that God still, really is in control and I just have to keep breathing; it's the key to moving forward.

A Slower Day Today

Yesterday was about people with some business thrown in! Today is about projects around the house both mundane and more exciting, like some finishing touches for the look of the place. It's great to finally be looking at those fun things after having been sick and unmotivated for such a long time.
Today, while reading and enjoying my breakfast with coffee, I felt a faint stirring in my heart. No specifics to that stirring that I can delineate but an awaking of sorts. I really have been out of "life" for the past year plus. I returned from my honeymoon with mono, even though supposedly one is immune to it after the age of 30! Although I did do some things periodically I was pretty much out of commission for over a year. Perhaps that's why I needed my "Bird Month" (see April postings) to begin to collect myself again, to find out where I was after that much time had passed. Now on day 6 of May, I believe the Lord is lighting a path with just a few sparks. I trust there will be more illumination in the future. At the moment I'm content with the small glimmer I have felt. If I had more right now I'd probably just feel overwhelmed and tired! The Lord knows and that's enough for me.

What's Next?

Curious - since 'Bird Month' is over? Me too! I can say that at least one thing has remained consistent through the time. I still would like to investigate further the idea of volunteering at the Public Library to help adults learn to read. They do give some training which would be very helpful so that's on the list to check out.
Thankfully, I don't feel pressure to rush into something and 'get busy' now that it is May. Making decisions with with those kind of feelings as motivators does not usually lead to wise, healthy choices. I continue to trust that I will hear which way to go, to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21)

In the Present

Unfortunately I can be dragged, enticed or manipulated away from the present, living in the moment. As "They" say - there's no time like the present. Of course that statement is about taking action now rather than later. A fine idea for many things but my thought for this post revolves around a different aspect.
Currently I find myself in a very contented state. Honestly, I feel very blessed and am thankful for a long list of things on a daily basis. At the moment, I feel at rest inside and out. I enjoy the flexibility of my days and I revel in the life-long partner God has given me in Brian. And yet... just yesterday as I was thinking about my many blessings the thought crept in - sometime this is bound to end. Something will happen that will bring challenges, struggles and who knows what else.
It's true, life happens. Death happens and everything in between. It's all a part of life. There are innumerable challenges that MIGHT happen. However, the truth is that none of that is happening to me right now. So why go there? There is no reason other than the enemy trying to taint what God has for me today. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matt. 6:34) It's very clear that God wants us to live in the present. He will help me through each day as I allow HIm to. ! cannot appropriate the grace ahead of time for future challenges, for tomorrow, especially if I don't even know what's coming!
I want to be thankful today that my 'troubles' are minimal. Rejoice in what God is doing and stay in the present. It can be easy and/or in a sneaky manner that other worries come in. So I'm just saying that I don't want to be robbed of ANY joy and will be diligent in thought to 'protect' my 'present'. After all, God gives good 'gifts'! :-)

New Look

Finally a new look for this blog! It's been fun updating and trying to make 'customized' changes. The page isn't quite how I'd like it but as most things, including myself, it's a work in progress.