On the Lighter Side? Not so much but...

I had wanted my next post be a little lighter in nature. I even looked on youtube for something that might be funny and light. Either it was my mood or my sense of humor, but nothing really struck me as all that great. After that attempt, in my regular reading, I came across the following and found it quite applicable. Sorry, I wouldn't say it's light but hopefully uplifting. In the end, I found it hopeful and comforting.

“Some people like to regard themselves as 'realists.' You may have heard someone say, 'I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.' Maybe you have said that yourself. I have. The inference is that an optimistic person is not realistic. Accordingly, the only honest and correct way to view the world is to point out the deficiencies, difficulties and inevitable failures.”

This quote took me up short a bit as I have often described myself as a realist rather than an optimist. I've never thought of myself as a pessimist. Either way, I ended up saying, “Uh oh!” The document goes on to say the person with this realist attitude is a naysayer, one who ignores the positive, emphasizes the negative to such a degree that even words of encouragement are irritating; and they're cynical people. It continues with:

“The optimist says the cup is half full. The pessimist says the cup is half empty. The man of faith gives thanks that the cup is half full, and he marvels that God will either make the half cup sufficient to meet his need or miraculously refill the cup.”

I do want to be a “faith full” person. My current financial situation is what it is. There is nothing I can do to change it. Even though I was surprised by this turn of events, God wasn't surprised. The matter will be settled and I will move on into the future. God is there too! I trust him. I'm sad at times over the loss, and there are significant changes due to it. However, it's not the end of the world and I've learned valuable lessons! 


Document quote out of a reading from one of First Fruits of Zion publications.

Bumps Can Hurt

Today it is important to write about that for which I'm thankful. I suppose it's appropriate also because it's Thanksgiving week, if not the day! But why I need to write has nothing to do with the holiday, rather it's a choice to be grateful through setbacks in life. I've cried today. I've been angry. I've wanted to rage that - it's NOT fair. The past is haunting me so to speak but that's just it - it's the past. I can't do anything about it, make different decisions or put safeguards in place. I didn't do anything wrong although perhaps a few decisions I should have researched more. Some of the repercussions now are due to decisions made by others, totally out of my control. The affects are financial.

I could be an ostrich about the whole thing. I'm not above that! Although I have to say that in the long run, I've found it not all that helpful. What I need to remember is - it's only money. Really! Do I feel that perhaps my security for the future is a little shaken? If I'm honest, yes. But practically speaking it's impossible for me to secure my future. I have no idea what's coming, good or bad. My provision and stability really come from God.

So I choose to be thankful. I'm so thankful I have Brian to help me find my way through this; my home and food on the table are not threatened. I'm also thankful for sunshine; laughter; a lazy day; great food, conversation and friends. There is also that amazing, wonderful, comfort drink - coffee, which can be deliciously shared with a friend or sipped slowly in the quiet of the morning. Of course I'm so grateful that Brian asked me to marry him because he's a keeper! Life is good. As I've said before the adventure of life can have twists and turns, bumps and tunnels. I guess I'm just a little surprised they'd happen so soon. Silly me! :)

Life with Brian!

I have one word that describes life with Brian - awesome! No really! Perhaps you have deduced from my blog that I'm neither a particular romantic or prone to rose colored glasses. I wouldn't even call myself an optimist, rather a realist. Brian is more romantic than I am! Is Brian perfect? - NO. No one is! Is life perfect with him? Yes and no.

I said that I would write more about loving someone with a chronic illness (Gulf War Illness), so here goes. First, let me add another word that is very important, in our marriage at least. That is the word "flexibility." It is difficult to describe the various feelings and symptoms that Brian experiences, even for Brian. Suffice to say that he suffers, some days more than others, though no one would know it to look at him. Does he know when the bad days are coming? Generally not. Although, he does better or worse in differing seasons of the year. Due to the cold and greater number of storm patterns, winter is not his best season. However, there can still be good days during the winter.

So what does that all mean for he and I, together? We both need to be flexible. Sometimes we plan to do something but he wakes up that day and it's not a good one. OK, that activity is not going to happen that day. That's just the way it is. If Brian pushes himself on a bad day to do whatever because it's planned, it usually backfires. He could go into a crash which is more intense and lasts longer. It's so not worth it! Or, if the day and it's activity can be adapted so the pace is slower and more relaxed that sometimes works. With that in mind, the third word I've needed to incorporate more into my life is "spontaneity." (I think Brian was always more spontaneous than I.) When it's a good day then the activity will happen. We can't always know when that is. However, over time, I've learned not to be so disappointed when something doesn't happen because it will; I just don't know when. Plus, Brian will often make suggestions of things to do at the spur of the moment. Why not?! Take the adventure and the good days when they arrive. Planning can be overrated!

There is more to write, which I will, but we'll start with this.
Update: Part 2 of Life with Brian click here.

In Times of Jetlag

As I begin writing this, it's about a quarter to eight in the morning. I've already been awake for over 3.5 hours. I saw the time on that clock come and go. Trust me, these are not my typical hours!! The house is cold because the heater isn't programmed to come on yet. I've watched the sky grow bright and the neighborhood slowly come to life. Usually I watch the surrounding area shut down for the night rather than separately share with them a cup of very early morning coffee.

Often Brian is up at these wee hours of the morning but that is because he has yet to be able to go to sleep. Besides being negatively affected by cold weather, this inability to sleep is another aspect of the Gulf War Syndrome for him. I can't imagine. :( Although, thankfully, he has been able to sleep fairly well these past couple of nights.

As I deal with jetlag, these past few mornings have been very quiet and reflective. There certainly is no rush to move into the day since it really hasn't started (except on the east coast or in Europe)! Thoughts, prayers and activities take on a different tone or quality in the early hours for me. I feel settled, peaceful and also the longings for continued adventure, inspiration and growth come more easily to the forefront. Perhaps those feelings could be viewed as the antithesis of being settled and at peace. They don't feel opposite to me. I think it is because I feel settled, safe that I can allow those feelings to surface. I love the mixture; it's exhilarating! The questions or longings don't need closure for me, meaning - what is the adventure? What will happen in the future? I love it all because it's a hunger that keeps me looking, investigating and hopeful. How can I be disappointed in life since I'm actively participating in it?! I do expect tunnels, bumps and sharp curves along the road but...!

One of Life's Grand Events

The wedding day is past. What an event it all was!! Naturally, Sabina looked gorgeous, no surprise there! The wedding was amazing and for me the best part was that Sabina and Chris both said their vows in English and Polish. A more difficult feat for Chris and I was impressed. By the way, I didn't cry at the wedding - shocker! Just thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

There is something special about making the time for such a grand party afterward as opposed to rushing through a reception so the couple can escape. Of course I'm older but I'm not sure I would have had the stamina for it myself, as the bride! (I understand the party ended about 5 am!!) The reception was filled with food, dancing, singing, a skit where Chris had to “buy back his wife,” more food, and vodka – to the level to which each person was comfortable. For me personally, it was also a wonderful time to catch up with people I hadn't seen for years. Life marches on and there were many stories to share. I really appreciate the opportunity to get reacquainted face-to-face with old friends, so thanks Chris and Sabina for getting married!! :)

Cultural differences can show up in many varied ways from eating times, to major life event traditions, like weddings, to everyday priorities. I traveled with a few people one of them being Chris' step-sister who is 11. At the end of our time in Poland she makes the statement that she likes the actual travel part of traveling but not being somewhere new. As you know from earlier posts, I am the exact opposite of her. Of course, she is only 11 so things may change in the future. I love new places (or old ones I haven't been for a while) and find it fascinating how many ways there are to approach life. I work hard, sometimes harder than other times, to be open to new perspectives and ideas. I can't embrace them all since some ideas can be opposing to one another, but open in that I don't judge by thinking that's weird or strange rather just different than how I might do things. Challenges, new concepts and different priorities make me grow and open up my world. I have to say that sometimes the new ways are better than my old ones, or at least a welcome diversion! 

The whole trip was great. I was thrilled to be able to help Sabina in any way, just spend time with her, and see how a Polish wedding is done! Awesome and a lot of fun!

"Can you hear me now?"

Technology, by and large, is a wonderful thing...when it works! I love the fact that a video call is possible with Brian, from Poland to California! After all, I skpye once a week with Sabina, when I'm not in Poland. So I had some time this evening to give Brian a call. Talk about a frustrating time, as I did all too little talking with Brian! Most of the time he just thought there must be some sort of alien in my room. According to Brian, the charming picture he had of me didn't even have a nose on my face, and the unworldly sounds from my end ranged from those of a possible dog, alien (?) and a skipping record playing on too slow of a setting and definitely not as melodic! After over an hour of cutting in and out, "Are you there?" "You are frozen again." "Can you hear me now?" "NO, I'm losing you again!" Waiting to come back online, then redialing. I couldn't handle it anymore. Needless to say, my wireless internet connection was not the best! We sent our final messages via text. At least that's something.